John!
by JacobFaeWyldes
Summary: Sherlock had something important to tell John. Too bad he was distracted by a certain someone. Rated M 'cause I'm paranoid. This is a collab with my amazing girlfriend Edvin Elvel. Part of the 'When I LARP with my girlfriend' Series, but can be read as a stand alone.


**Edvin A/N** **: This was originally written in google chat. Basically, Rene and I ended up LARPing halfway through a conversation of ours, and this happened.** **Random fact: My nickname is "Dev", apparently, for undisclosed reasons.**

 _ **Rene : Really Dev? I leave for one second and you do that? *sigh* what am I going to do with you? *sarcastically* Also, modest much?**_

 _ **Dev**_ _ **: I dunno *wiggles eyebrows and smirks jokingly*. Modesty and honesty is a policy… for someone else.**_

 _ **Rene : **_**We don't own Sherlock, John Watson, or the person at the end of the story (BBC), but Jason Singer is all mine (Pan). I hope you enjoy our randomness!**

 _ **Dev**_ _ **: I didn't forget! I just… try not to think about it!**_

 _ **Rene: sure…**_

 _ **Dev**_ _ **: Hmph.**_

* * *

 **Unknown243 has joined the chat**

 **Sherlock Holmes has joined the chat**

Sherlock Holmes: John, is that you?

Unknown243: I'm not Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: … Did you dubiously acquire his phone, then?

Unknown243: … No.

Sherlock Holmes: Hmmm… you undoubtedly have. I must inform John at once.

 **Sherlock Holmes has left the chat**

Unknown243: I'm not John. But DAMN, is the good doctor good in bed!

 **Sherlock Holmes has joined the chat**

Sherlock Holmes: Excuse me?! JOHN! I REQUIRE AN EXPLANATION THIS VERY INSTANT!

 **JohnH. Watson has joined the chat**

" **Unknown243" has changed their username to "JayBird47"**

JohnH. Watson: Yes, Sherlock?

Sherlock Holmes: Have you been in bed-company with any besides myself?! *Stern glare*

JohnH. Watson: In a sexual way? No. But, an old army buddy needed a place to crash so I let him take my bed.

Sherlock Holmes: Hmph. Fine. But I'm warning you; I don't share well, and expect full compensation.

JayBird47: What kind of compensation does Johnny need to give you? Or is that just your way of saying you want cum-pany tonight?

Sherlock Holmes: "Johnny" needs to give me quite a bit. Preferably enough that I cannot walk the next day.

JohnH. Watson: SHERLOCK! TMI!

Sherlock Holmes: What do you mean, "too much information"?

" **JohnH. Watson" has changed their username to "Sherlock has shamed me"**

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, very mature, John.

" **Sherlock has shamed me" has changed their username to "JohnH. Watson"**

JayBird47: Soo… is Johnny any good these days? 'Cause back in the army, he was pretty popular with the ladies and the fellas.

Sherlock Holmes: JOOOHHHN!

JohnH. Watson: What?

Sherlock Holmes: Do me a favor and explain what your "buddy", here, was speaking of.

JohnH. Watson: … You automatically thought about sex, didn't you?

Sherlock Holmes: *pouts* I can't help it! You've been good for 47 hours, 3 minutes, and 45 seconds.

Sherlock Holmes: Make that 46.

JohnH. Watson: Look, Jason has an unfortunate habit of saying thing that can be taken different ways depending on the context. He probably meant to ask if I am still as good a doctor as I was back in the army.

Sherlock Holmes: Is that what you meant?

JayBird47: Well that, or to ask if Johnny still has magic hands. But, I now know that he only keeps _cum-pany_ with you.

Sherlock Holmes: John, I am, regrettably, thoroughly confused.

JohnH. Watson: Welcome to the mind of one Jason Singer.

Sherlock Holmes: Hmph. Not even my mind palace is that demented.

JayBird47: So glad I have confused another Holmes brother!

Sherlock Holmes: Argh. Well, you have not nearly the intelligence required to do much else. Please use your minimalist IQ to arrange these two words into a commonly used phase: OFF FUCK.

JayBird47: Kinky! Of course I want to be apart of a threesome with my old partner!

Sherlock Holmes: JOOOOOOHHHNNN! I AM THIS CLOSE TO CALLING IN A BOMB-INVOLVING FAVOR FROM MYCROFT VIA BLACKMAIL!

JayBird47: But we could have soo much fun together!

JayBird47: 0:)

Sherlock Holmes: … What are your coordinates? I have the bomb plane ready.

JayBird47: I'm with Johnny.

JayBird47: In his bed.

JayBird47: Naked.

Sherlock Holmes: !

JayBird47: After the best massage of my life.

Sherlock Holmes: John. I must inform you that I am getting rather jealous. *eyebrow twitch*

JayBird47: Dude, chill. *rolls eyes* Not like he's fucking me into the mattress every night. 'Sides, I'm already in a relationship with a mighty fine fella.

Sherlock Holmes Good.

JayBird47: Besides, Johnny and I broke up a long time ago.

Sherlock Holmes: What? How long ago!? TELL ME!

JayBird47: Chill man, we were in high school, we dated. He joined the army as a doctor. I joined up as a sniper. When he was discharged we broke up and the rest is history.

Sherlock Holmes: Stay that way. On an entirely unrelated note; I've heard you like guns. Most snipers do, I suppose. Perhaps I should take you shooting sometime? *innocent but feral smile*

JayBird47: Only if I'm not the target. And I want a run with an AK-47, couple of GLOCKs, and M24 sniper rifle.

Sherlock Holmes: Never mind, then.

JayBird47: But...but..but… John your boyfriend's being mean to me!

Sherlock Holmes: NO I'M NOT! JOHN, DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!

JohnH. Watson: Sherlock, you mentioned guns to a man who spent the majority of his life reading about, handling, and fixing guns. That vary same man was the best sniper in the army without using a scope and using a subpar gun… it's your own fault. Oh, and you're sleeping on the couch for three days.

Sherlock Holmes: *whines* Jo-oohhnn!

JohnH. Watson: Nope. Not doing this. I'm going back to bed.

Sherlock Holmes: JOHN! I WON'T KEEP HUMAN HEADS IN THE MICROWAVE FOR A WEEK IF YOU HAVE PITY! PROMISE!

JohnH. Watson: You're going to have to give me a better offer than that, Love.

Sherlock Holmes: A MONTH THEN! AND NO HUMAN THUMBS IN THE CRISPER!

JohnH. Watson: Nope.

Sherlock Holmes: And, for another WEEK, I won't point out how Molly's boyfriend is gay.

JohnH. Watson: Nada. Nope. Negative.

Sherlock Holmes: I also won't tell her that he is a secret crime-ringleader, by the alias of "Moriarty" and has been plotting to kill me for months now.

JohnH. Watson: WHAT?!

Sherlock Holmes: Did I not tell you?

JohnH. Watson: NO!

Sherlock Holmes: Oops.

Sherlock Holmes: He's also the one that put the spy-cameras in the bedroom by the way.

JayBird47: *ROTFLMAO*

JohnH. Watson: THERE WERE CAMERAS IN THE BEDROOM!?

JayBird47: *ROTFLMAO*

JohnH. Watson: STOP LAUGHING, JAY!1!1!

Sherlock Holmes: Oh. You didn't know.

Sherlock Holmes: I thought you just had an exhibition kink.

JayBird47: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JohnH. Watson: NO, Sherlock, I didn't know!

JayBird47: HEHEHEHEHEHE

JohnH. Watson: And I don't have an exhibition kink!1

" **JohnH. Watson" has changed their username to "Sherlock I'm coming to kill you"**

" **Sherlock I'm coming to kill you" has changed their username to "JohnH. Watson"**

 **JohnH. Watson has left the chat**

Sherlock Holmes: … I'm assuming that the username change wasn't accidental.

JayBird47: HA

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, there he [98Raih'th asd fk;a sdfkjaetu4hjds xdfgsdfg2

JayBird47: Sherlock?

 **Sherlock Holmes has left the chat**

 **n0tyourhousekeeper_dear has joined the chat**

N0tyourhousekeeper_dear: Oh dear, it's gotten rather noisy upstairs.'

JayBird47: LOL

 **JayBird47 has left the chat**

 **n0tyourhousekeeper_dear has left the chat**

 **The End ?**


End file.
